I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just saw a hot homeless man
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
