Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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