I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
