She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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