Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
