After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
