New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
