If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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