saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
