I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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