id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And then my night got REAL pukey
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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