do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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