I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
