I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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