Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
