Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
