I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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