ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize