hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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