You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
