Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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