shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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