I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize