Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
