she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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