i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
