i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
