Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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