do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
