Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize