she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
