Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
