last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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