I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
