THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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