I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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