The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize