ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
