We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize