I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
