I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
