My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
