my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
