She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you will always have a special place in my vag
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
