I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
