Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
