Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
