dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
