It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
