Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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