I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
