It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
