found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize