I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize