hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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