I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
