How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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