You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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