i permit you to call me
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
