So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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