Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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