I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
3pm strippers are depressing
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
