ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
