So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
