Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
