I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
