I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
