I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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